‘I wish I’d started this earlier!’ The life lessons of the over-60s

Getting older brings a unique kind of clarity – a chance to look back and spot what really mattered. To find out what those lessons looked like in real life, we spoke to people over the age of 60 and asked them what they wish they’d known sooner. Their answers, shared below, span the everyday and the profound: from the food we eat and how nutrition shapes our long-term health, to the value of staying curious and investing in education at any age, to the importance of family rituals and the memories only time together can build. What follows are their stories, in their own words.

“Don’t skimp when it comes to cookware”

My wisest kitchen tip is to spend money on good pans. It pays off in the long run. Some of my favourite pans are from 1982 (older than my children) that were given as wedding gifts – 44 years and still going strong. Cast iron and stainless steel are incredibly resilient. I’ve used mine thousands of times so the cost per cook is minuscule by this point.

There’s so much to be said for cooking with familiar tools that you have a feel for. So my advice for my younger self would be not to skimp when it comes to kitchen items that could serve you for decades to come. There are some things in the world that are worth spending money on and it makes a lot of sense to prioritise setting yourself up for a lifetime of good scratch cooking.

Pier, 69

“Your best years aren’t behind you. For many of us, they’re only just beginning”

When I was a much younger woman I bought in to that age old societal story that ageing meant dimming my sparkle and that my best, most vibrant, most relevant years were somehow already in the rearview mirror. Then I hit my sixties and discovered something nobody had told me: this decade has handed me more confidence and more genuine joy than any that came before it. It’s what inspired my TEDx Talk ‘Older & Bolder’ because I wanted to challenge the idea that ageing is something to dread or survive. I stopped performing the version of myself I thought the world wanted and started actually being me.

An ADHD diagnosis at the age 60 will also help shake off that mask. The women I work with through my EFT therapy practice Love Yourself First EFT are usually in their 40s, 50s and 60s. They often arrive believing they’ve somehow missed their moment and watching that belief dissolve is the most extraordinary thing to witness. Your best years aren’t behind you. For many of us, they’re only just beginning.

Sharon, 62

“Don’t wait until retirement to do something about nutrition […] if you put the wrong stuff in you will pay a price for it”

There is a saying, that you should meditate for 10 minutes every day. And if you can’t spare 10 minutes, then you should meditate for an hour…

I would apply the same wise thinking to food and its planning and preparation. I spent decades knowing what good nutrition was but being too busy to pause and give real thought to what I was putting into my body. This may have contributed to the onset of type 2 diabetes which was then a struggle to contain, but I did.

You can spend much of your adult life knowing the truth that your body needs fuelling regularly but if you put the wrong stuff in you will pay a price for it. In the past few years I’ve converted previously held but ignored knowledge on what I should eat into some real progress in avoiding naughty stuff and encouraging the good stuff. This may in particular be embracing the knowledge that ultra-processed food is substantially more in use than 50 years ago and surely cannot be unconnected with society’s poor health and the rising cancers compared to the 60s and 70s.

Unfortunately I find myself preaching to younger people that they should not wait till their retirement to do something about their body fuel in terms of quality and quantity of things you eat and drink.

Modestly, I have developed reasonable skills and creativity in cooking and baking, and it gives me great retirement pleasure to share the products of these happy ‘nutrition hobby’ hours with grateful friends and relatives.

Chris, 70

“It worries me that I only started eating and drinking healthy at the age of 63”

A life lesson I wish I’d known earlier is how important it is to treat your body with respect. What goes into your mouth feeds your body and soul. For me it is the most important part of my life that was triggered by a period of being unwell and having an overwhelming desire to live life well and be here for my family for hopefully decades to come. Two years on I am now over the illness but a changed person.

I had hardly ever given thought to having salted, sugary high processed foods and drinks apart from it might be nice to cut back and lose weight, but I’m shocked now to think back and realise I hardly ever thought about the effect to my health. Lower salt and sugar, regulate the glucose spikes, lower alcohol, allow your gut to rest by intermittent fasting and don’t get me started on cutting out ultra-processed foods. All of this can lower inflammation and increase your defence against disease. I had never considered any of these until I got diagnosed with breast cancer and suddenly my body became sacred, how did I neglect it for so long? My brain instantly switched into considering everything I ate and drank. For the first year I became totally fixated on not eating anything that would throw off my carefully created food plan, now relaxed into a routine that is manageable and not too excessive but still there are things that have changed for life.

Organic food is expensive, but I’ve found ways to keep costs down by buying small amounts often. I have an amazing organic greengrocer nearby and adore selecting the freshest vegetables for my meals for the next two days – no longer weekly food shops and throw half away. I can honestly say I have not had a heat-up meal, which was my absolute go-to for many years as I work long hours. Who knew you can cook an amazing heathy meal from scratch in 15 minutes? I’ve learnt so much about alternatives to meat forms of protein that are low-cost and delicious, like beans and lentils. I eat prawns, tuna and white fish a lot (often frozen in single wrapped portions so I can consume it super fresh and the cost is lower). Although I haven’t stopped eating meat, I eat about 25% of what I used to.

I sometimes feel a bore and slightly self-righteous when friends and family see how religiously I keep to my routine, but I can honestly say I feel a different person. It worries me that I only started eating and drinking healthy at the age of 63. I’m so pleased my daughters are so much more aware of eating well than I was at their age and feel so guilty that many of our meals were not home cooked when they were young and convenience came ahead of content. I think about that every day and I wish I’d known more then and that information was more readily available. I only hope buying and preparing, and eating well and mindfully now has made a difference to allow me to lead a couple more decades of healthy and happy later years.

I am so happy that the awareness of the relationship that food has to our health is so prevalent now through all forms of media and the information is so available. Keeping up education on how this can be achieved at manageable cost and in little time is so important. One thing I wish for is cooking, food management and meal preparation to be part of the curriculum in schools (home economics as it was called in my day and only available to girls – can you imagine?), so that to think about what goes into our body from a young age and how to prepare nutritious meals is as instinctive as brushing your teeth.

Sally, 65

“I wish I’d helped my mum to cook”

I’m the oldest of four boys, all born within five years in the late sixties. Feeding us was like keeping starving dogs at bay – and expensive. Our dad worked 12-hour days, our mum did three jobs. All to put food on the table for their ravenous horde (“We didn’t ask to be born,” we’d ungratefully chide). And, to be honest, that food was terrible. A gigantic, leathery cow’s heart roasted for four hours, cabbage boiled to slop, followed by a mug of the cooking water “because it’s full of vitamins”. There were worse culinary crimes but I’ve blocked them from my memory.

Hardly surprising that this ungrateful child always dismissed his mother as a terrible cook. In fact it was her terribleness that drove me to learn to cook the moment I left home. But she wasn’t terrible, she was time-starved, skint and permanently knackered. I should have stepped up, peeled some potatoes, chopped some carrots. Turned the oven off after an hour. It’s my eternal regret that she passed away before seeing me become editor of Good Food — before I could cook her the meals I now take for granted every day.

Keith, 62

“Don’t place your whole persona around your working life – nurture your natural talent”

I have learned that once you retire your status will not be wrapped up in what you were or what you did or in your work status. Among new retired friends your work life and previous position is not important to any of them.

My advice would be to not rely on your profession to be of any help or relevance to you whatsoever once you leave. Be mindful to nurture your natural talent and interests so that you can rely on those once you retire. Your world will open up as mine has done. Never look back.

Jo, 63

“My concerns about nutrition and good food has been a lifelong learning process”

As a child I was not encouraged to determine my diet and cook. But after I left home at 18 I faced the shock of figuring out if I liked my early childhood diet, what food would I buy and how I should cook it. At first, during university, I consumed simple things such as pasta and sandwiches as they were quick and I thought well-balanced. I really had no idea what well-balanced meant aside from meat and vegetables.

As my father was Jewish, my mother was Catholic – she did all the cooking and made a lot of Jewish dishes. One tradition she followed was not to mix meat and dairy. I soon learned that was a reasonable precaution if you were in a Middle Eastern desert centuries ago. It was finding out things such as this that in my early 20s I became interested in food ingredients, what things were considered bad and what things were good. I remember vividly one of my teachers talking about butylated hydroxyanisole in corn flakes and how it was not there for nutritional value, only as a preservative to give the corn flakes longer shelf life. So I became a reader of the fine print.

The culture in which I grew up (Vancouver) was radical and trendy. For example, Greenpeace started there during my early adulthood. While becoming aware of global issues I started recycling waste (a Greenpeace project) that was very uncommon in those days. Organic and vegetarian foods were becoming popular. Vancouver even then had a great variety of restaurants, the result of people moving there from many countries. My friends and I ate out a lot. But we became increasingly interested in what we were eating. Barbecues became our favourite sort of party, as we considered them as the most efficient, tasty sort of cooking.

Since that interesting start, I think I have simply built up my nutritional approach by adapting to things and events. Hyper-processed popular foods were a no-no and I tried to keep abreast of well-evidenced developments. Microwave ovens appeared but they seemed okay – I remember David Suzuki, the Canadian popular scientist, saying that in 20 years we might find out that they were bad for you but in the meantime they seemed safe. Then we learned that American meat was full of hormones and artificial colours. Being in Vancouver, there was a lot of American meat on sale. So American meat and Cheez Whiz were out, microwaves were in.

After moving to England we were alarmed at the BSE crisis and wondered what sort of agricultural standards existed – we eventually decided that the standards in this country were actually very high and transparent. Later, a report came out from Newcastle University about the benefits of organic dairy products versus non-organic. Ever since then we have bought only organic dairy products. Now I’m researching the risks and benefits of protein supplements.

My concern about nutrition and good food has been a lifelong learning process. Rather than responding to what’s trending, I have tried to keep informed about developments (e.g. GM crops) and to determine the validity and reliability of nutrition news sources.

Laurence, 72

“Sit at the kitchen table with your family”

Sit-down meals with family and friends are so important. The opportunities to share, talk, swap dreams across ages and generations is invaluable in building memories, especially for children.

I’ve lapsed in allowing my grandchild to eat in front of the TV, for many reasons. Sitting at the kitchen table with my own children banning devices or TV meant we at least got an hour or more a day sharing our news.

Also, memories don’t just happen, you need to work hard at producing them.

Janet, 66

“There is very little in life that can’t be resolved or retrieved”

I had a long career as a policeman working with the public of all age groups and in all sorts of situations. It taught me that there is very little in life that can’t be resolved or retrieved. When you are young it is all about moving forward as fast you can and perhaps not appreciating what older people have to offer. Having drive and purpose makes you stand out, and will get you a long way in life. However, it is important to keep your sense of humour and to not take yourself too seriously.

Although I enjoyed my work and learnt a lot about life and people, I wish I had been able to have a better work/life balance as work overtook everything. It was the nature of the job.

Since retirement I have been able to get more involved with my hobbies and interests. How I wish I had learnt to fish when I was young. I was fortunate to crew for a yacht across the Atlantic. Fresh food supplies were running low. Had I learnt to fish earlier in my life I would have been more successful. The moral of the story is that if someone wants to teach you to fish when you are young take up the offer, it could come in useful!

Bill, 72

“Believe in your academic potential even if you fail once”

I wish I’d realised that I was smarter than I thought I was. I thought everyone was brighter, more intelligent, more worldly, more knowledgeable but I look back now and see a different picture. It could be that as an 11+ failure I had the world of shame upon my young shoulders. It took me until I got my degree at aged 50 to realise that I had not been the loser I thought I was. Self-fulfilling prophecy I believe it’s called.

Jo, 63

“Learn to cook, even if it doesn’t interest you”

This is based on the difference between my parents: one can, one doesn’t. Which means one of them is capable of feeding themself well, while the other will have to rely on ready meals and cheese sandwiches.

Learn to cook, even if cooking doesn’t interest you. You will then always have the opportunity to save money, eat what you want, adjust your diet as you need and make healthy (or not) choices. Plus, everyone appreciates someone who offers to cook them a meal.

Lulu, speaking on behalf of her mother Margaret, 85